Ed, What Were You Thankful For?

Chuck, me and Ed, December 2009.

It is our first Thanksgiving without my step dad, Ed. In the past recent years, we had drifted away from celebrating Thanksgiving at Mama and Ed's house. We used to all get together the weekend before Thanksgiving (Mama, Ed, me and my family, my brother Bobby and his family, and my brother Bo and his girlfriend). I think the last time we all got together, it was actually at my brother Bo's house. But for whatever reason, we all started doing our own thing. 

Each year, during this holiday, I reflect on the things I am most thankful for. My family, my friends, my home, car and job. Health and financial stability are always at the top of the list too. 

Two years ago, Ed was diagnosed with a deadly brain tumor. It seemed at that time, there wasn't much to be thankful for in regards to that. But looking back, I see there truly was a lot to be thankful for; Paramedics, doctors, medicines and operations that extend life, the kindness of strangers and friends alike.  I can reflect now, that I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with my step dad, that had he not been ill,  I would probably would not have spent that time with him. 

I know my family members are thankful too, that they got to spend time with Ed before his time on this earth was over. I know they must too be glad of the things and people that helped him get through the last year and a half of his life.

But now I wonder, what was Ed thankful for?

I am sure Ed was thankful for his family, that rallied around him, during what had to be the most frightening and painful event in all his life. I think he looked around and saw his wife, sons, and daughter, and extended family and saw that they were not going to desert him and leave him on his on to deal with this thing. He saw that we stepped up and made sure he got to the hospital, doctor visits, chemo and radiation treatments, and other destinations that he could no longer get to by himself. I am sure he was thankful.

I am sure he was thankful for the means by which he came about getting his operation, his treatments and his medications. They were astronomical in cost, especially for a carpenter who made a modest living, with no health insurance.

I am quite sure he was thankful for the kind spoken doctors, the soft touch of a nurse, and the gentleness of the technicians who had no choice but to stick him with needles, or bolt him to a table to receive radiation. I know he must have been thankful.

I know in the end, he must have felt completely robbed of dignity, when his son had to lift him onto the toilet, or into the bathtub, or his wife had to bath him in bed in the mornings because he sweat so bad during the night, or she or his daughter or other family member had to spoon feed him. But on the other hand, I am sure he was thankful it was his family, and not strangers, doing this for him.

I could feel his thankfulness, when, after doing something like changing dressings on the bedsores on his feet, he would pat me on the arm. It was like he was saying, "I'm sorry you have to do this for me. But I thank you".  He took to patting most anyone who helped him do anything. Even the Hospice nurses and aids, who we finally had to call in, though he didn't want Hospice care.

I know Ed was a thankful man. Even though he could have hated the doctors, nurses, us, the world, even God, he showed his thankfulness in his pats and in his eyes.

Today, I thank God that I know where Ed is today on this Thanksgiving holiday. Without that knowledge, I couldn't have peace in my heart about him and what he went through. And I thank God to, to have known this man and have been able to help him the small amount that I could. 

Here's hoping you have a heart full of thankfulness today also.

Ed and Mama. December 2009.