A New Year

Today is New Year Day. We begin a new year and leave the old one behind. And though the calendar year changes, my family is still in our first year of 'firsts' since Ed passed back at Easter.

We had our first Christmas without Ed. Last Christmas, we practically had to beg Mama for her and Ed to go to my brother's for our family Christmas party, for we feared (and rightfully so), that it could be his last Christmas. Mama felt like he wasn't up to it, that we shouldn't take him out. But we convinced her to let us take him. The boys carried him up the stairs while he was still seated in his wheelchair, and it all worked out wonderfully. Perhaps we were being selfish...in wanting to have this 'Last Christmas' with him and making precious memories. I think it did tax him; that he was quite ready to go home and rest after the party, but I do feel that he enjoyed being with us all and laughing, eating, playing games and laughing some more.

This year, not only was Ed not present, neither was Mama. She didn't want to attend. She has her reasons. Reasons none of us will probably ever understand.

We had our Christmas party, and my brother Bo stated, 'Pops will be there', ( at the party ). And I feel like he was in spirit. We didn't sit and wring our hands, we didn't cry, honestly, we didn't talk much about Ed. I think we were afraid we would start crying and being sad, and we didn't want to be sad. Ed was there with us. As he will be with us every holiday from here on out.

He  is with us as we begin our new year. He 'll be with us on our birthdays and each holiday. He was not a big partier or big story teller, but instead, he was the quiet calmness at all our little parties and the best listener. 

He would want us to be happy, to go on with our lives, and to learn something from his life and his death. He would want us to celebrate, to love one another, and to listen to one another. 

Happy New Year!

Christmas 2009 - Ed celebrating with his family!